Balance
by KiaMianara
Summary: After their encounter with Shredder the four brothers can’t really find back to their old selves and Michelangelo gets the growing impression it is his fault, so he tries to do something against it. Problem: he doesn't know what he did wrong


Set after season 01 Episode 10/11 „The Shredder Strikes"

Changing ego-narrator

No turtlezest exept if you want it to be.

I know, the title is stupid and this has probably been chewed through thousands of times, but let me put it this way: I never read any TMNT-FF in my life and I just finished watching the first season. Granted, I saw some really nice pics, but that's about it, so don't expect anything great, also I think it to be rather good for my almost none existing knowledge.

And I swear I tried to get the whole thing out of my head, but I have jet to find something to kill plot-bunnies.

Anyway, I still hope you enjoy reading, but man, I'd like to see that as a comic, if only I could paint -sighs-

**o.o**

I expected him to be mad at me, to swear and promise me the beating of my life, but no such thing happened. Instead he just gave me 'the look'.

You know what I mean? The look full of disappointment and _hurt_.

I would have expected that look from everyone, Leo, Don, Splinter, but not _Raph_. Raph doesn't look hurt, he never does, especially not when angry with you. He swears and promises pain and chases you through the whole lair, just to end it with a strong, but not too strong clout. I have seen him do that a lot; well, actually most of time have I triggered his temper, but never ever has he given me 'the look' and he is not the only one.

And that is why I said to myself: Mikey, this time you really screwed up!

Problem is I don't know how. Usually I always know what I did, because most of times I actually do it on purpose. I mean look at those guys, they _need_ some action and fun - especially fun. Being mutant ninja turtles the action comes to us all by it self if we want or not.

Leonardo is always serious and the one with the plan, Donatello is rational and has the most wits of us all, Raphael is eager and has the strength and I have enough luck for all of us and the humour. That's how it always has been, how we balance each other, as Master Splinter would say, but now that balance is gone and it's my fault, no matter how I did it.

Best course of action would probably be ask Master Splinter for advise, but he left this morning for some Ninjitzu-master-rat-thing, so next in line would be our fearless leader, as always absorbed in his training,

"Hey, Leo, can I . . ."

"Not now Mikey!"

"But . . ."

"I said Not. Now. Mikey! Go bother someone else with your stupid jokes; I have training to do."

Okay, someone is royally pissed off – not that I wonder much seeing that he has problems to get even the simplest kata right, but it's just an other evidence for our misbalance. Granded, it kind of hurts to be snapped at like that, but I don't hold it against him. I bet he is actually just too worried about everything.

Anyway is it probably better I just leave him alone for now and try my luck with Donny.

**o.o**

I know I shouldn't have snapped at him like that.

I'm the leader, the eldest of us. I should take care to keep us balanced as a team and as brothers, but since our encounter with Shredder something if just off and the most worried am I not about my youngest brother. Mike _is_ acting a bit strange lately, but all he needs is a bit motivation. Give him Pizza and the remote controller and he will be back to his normal, cheerful, even if sometimes annoying self.

No, it's not Mikey I'm worried about, it's Raphael. Admitingly, he is always a reason to worry. His eagerness and aggression always tends to get him in even more trouble than Don's and Mike's curiosity combined, but right know it's the lack of both that worries me, especially after what I've just seen.

Raph never withdraws without a fight, even when it is a matter of survival – well, maybe then, but only very unwillingly – and never would he let Michelangelo pull one of his stunts on him without at least promising him a beating should he try that again.

It seems now I would have to pull a stunt on him, a 'fearless leader aka big brother wanting to know what is tearing his family apart' stunt.

At least I don't have to search for him, but I'm surprised he isn't sulking on his bed but sitting at his desk – of which I could have sworn he never noticed before – and starred into nothingness.

Now when that isn't odd.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Frag off, Leo, bother someone else with your leader stuff."

I must admit I'm relieved at that response – not that I will really leave, but it's good to hear he still acts partly as himself. Anything else would have . . . well, actually I wouldn't have known how to deal with anything else.

"This is not about being leader, but about being brothers. Something is troubling you and I ask you to talk to me about it. You don't have to fight your demons alone, Raph."

I'm laying my hand on his shoulder but he shows it off.

"Fight with your own demons, oh fearless one, and let me deal with mine."

"Fine, be that way, but you know you can always come to talk to me."

If Raph decides to be a bullhead there is nothing I can do against it except waiting for him to come out of his shell – figuratively of course.

"Like I would need your help."

**o.o**

"Mike, really, I can't just . . . bend the rules of reality just because you have a problem.

And stop touching my stuff."

I don't mind sharing. We are brothers after all and sharing is one of the first things siblings learn, but honestly, every time Mike browses through my stuff something ends broken or damaged and I really have enough problems as it is.

"I don't have a problem, I just want something to help someone with a problem."

"Ever heard about 'talking helps'? I could try and find something for one problem, but I would need to know what problem we are talking about."

"It's not like Raph is very talkative."

Ah, so _that _is the problem, but why is he coming to me with that when it could be so simple.

"And why don't you just go to Raph and apologise?"

"For what?"

He doesn't mean that, does he? It would explain what he is doing here – still messing with my stuff by the way – instead of talking to Raphael, but he can't be that oblivious to it, can he?

"You know it, don't you? Come on, Don, tell me."

Well, it seems he can.

I wonder if a brotherly smack would make him remember. Until now it seemed to always help in someway.

"Au! Hey, what was that for?"

"Think, little brother, think. Last time we checked you had a brain, so use it for once."

"You checked my brain?"

"Mikey!"

"Hey, I'm thinking, I'm thinking . . . can't you at least give me a hint?

Oops."

Oh no, not my microscope.

"Out of my room."

"Oh come on, Don, I'm sorry. I'll get you a new one."

Not the 'kicked puppy eyes'. Stay strong, Donatello, concentrate on the damage and stay strong.

"Get. Out. Mikey!"

Victory for the turtle with the bō. I actually can't believe he is really leaving, but, honestly, how can one turtle cause so much headache? Can't have a genetic cause, that much is sure.

Now lets see what I can safe from my microscope while Mike is busy thinking. Hopefully he will get some headache from it, too. Serves him well. That really was a low blow, although I must admit that time I though nothing of it either.

Who would have thought that it would get so under Raphael's shell, especially Raphael's shell.

"You don't happen to know what the shell is going on here?"

"Can't a turtle get a bit quiet time once in a while? It's not like the surs aren't big enough for all of us."

" . . . Well, I expected Raph to kick me out, but this is new."

To use Mikey's term: oops.

Snapping at Leo these days is just as risky as snapping at Raph any other day.

"Sorry, Leo, didn't mean it."

"It's alright. We're all a little off right now, but if this continues we probably will have torn each other apart by the end of the week."

He sure is right. Maybe I _should_ give Mike a hint what he had done wrong so we can get over with this as fast as possible.

"I have a good guess of who, but what I want to know is when and what. Would you mind filling in the gabs, Don?"

"Like, when we were separated during our encounter with Shredder and Mike pulled a really bad joke at Raph?"

"Jep, exactly what I've wanted to know. Let 's get some Pizza."

"Come again?"

**o.o**

"We're going to get some Pizza."

"Try to leave the lair whole while we're gone."

Great, just great. Now I'm stuck here with that walking disaster or what?

Stupid Mikey with his stupid jokes.

I should just call it a night and hit the bunk, but how am I supposed to fight off nightmares?

It's exhausting at least to wake up horrified and run to his room just to make sure that stupid reptile didn't manage to really get himself killed, that I didn't failed to protect him every night.

That goes under every shell. I don't even mind sounding all sentimental and _weak _anymore, but they are just dreams, right? Right?

"WHOA!"

"MIKEY!"

"I'm alright, just slipped, sorry"

Slipped? We're living in the surs for . . . well, our whole live and he _slips_? And now I stand here like the worlds greatest idiot, ready to take out a foe that doesn't even exist.

And why must it out of the four of us be Michelangelo of all people with the baby blue eyes? How is one supposed to even start getting angry at them when he put up the mark trade 'lost puppy' face . . . and one remembers how the become empty every night.

I need to get out of here.

"H hey, wait."

"What?"

I can't even bark at him anymore. Pathetic.

"Look, I'm . . . I'm sorry, alright."

I could bet when I turn around he still has that face on. I swear he can turn that on and off as if he has a switch somewhere.

"You already said so."

"Not that. I mean _that_ joke. I'm sorry I scared you like that. I didn't realise it would go that deep under your shell. I didn't realise you care that much."

Oh perfect. Now I'm the bad turtle again. At least does he sound plagued by guild, too.

"Get over here, Mikey. . . . Closer . . . closer . . . a little more."

I wish I could see his face right now. He must be shocked out of his shell, but when I open my eyes again all I see is two utterly irritated sapphires and feel the warmth of his forehead against mine.

"Don't you ever assume I don't care, 'coz I do, even if I don't always show it, understood?"

" . . . You haven't slept much recently, have you?"

If his voice is any evidence Mikey must be smiling now, not his usual, wide grin, but one of these rare, sweet smiles.

"How did you get that idea?"

And when were our roles reversed anyway?

"You mean beside this situation as a whole? The rings und your eyes would make the Mars jealous."

" . . . That would be the Saturn, Mikey."

"Saturn has enough rings as it is already.

Come on, bro, let us get you to bed before you fall asleep standing here."

For once a good idea from his side, but when Mikey things I'll let go of him tonight he is dead wrong.


End file.
